A sex education lesson

Okuyunca gülmekten kendimi alamadım. Dayanamadım, burada yayımlamak istedim, siz de görün. Çevirmeyi düşündüm önce ama çevirince gülünecek bir şeyi kalmaz sanırım.

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A sex education lesson 

Miss Wilkins, Chemistry teacher:

'As you know, children, this school – much against my will – has decided to commence a course in “sex” education. I have (unfortunately) been chosen to attempt to undertake the first lesson. The headmaster (as some of you girls may know) is very interested in ... in ... this aspect of education. He has decided that we should teach “sex” in complete frankness.

‘… girls … girls and … and boys well, are … are … well … slightly different. Boys … boys have … something that girls have not. This is called a … well, you know a … “tinkle” – which you know all about, don’t you Johnny? Stop that Johnny! Leave it alone! – No, Jimmy, you may not give us a demonstration. Did you hear that Jimmy! Jimmy! Pull your trousers up immediately!

‘Girls … or … you may  have noticed a lack … a loss … a slight deficiency in that part of your anatomy. Instead of … of … of having … having what boys have, you have a “babyhole”….

‘Yes Johnny, I know you want to know how babies are born. I’m coming to that – No Mark, I will not give a demonstration! And that goes for you too Johnny! Johnny leave Susan alone!

‘Now before I start, I want to make it absolutely clear that I personally think that the whole thing is disgusting. I have never attempted – and will never attempt – this ugly procedure. I think nature could have quite easily have found a much “nicer” way of achieving the same result! But if you insist on propagating yourselves, which I don’t doubt for an instant, this is the method you shall be forced to adopt…

‘I now have some diagrams to show you, which frankly are a complete revelation to me. I already knew it was pretty disgusting, but I certainly wasn’t prepared for such filth! Yes, Jimmy, I know you don’t agree! And you too Mark…'

Michael Swan, Kaleidoscope.